I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
