i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
