I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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