And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
