maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
