drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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