is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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