Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
third nipple confirmed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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