I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
