he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
