I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
