If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
