I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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