at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize