WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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