only if we run a train.
done.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
