There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
4 words: hood of his car
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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