I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
