Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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