My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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