I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
