I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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