true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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