Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
