I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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