im holly from the hills drunk
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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