What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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