I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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