My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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