Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
