I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just high enough for therapy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
