And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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