DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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