apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
