Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
try to milk me bitch
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
