We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize