In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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