The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
