he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He has the fingertips of a God
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