At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We need to feng shui this bitch.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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