After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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