In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
