Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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