I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
