After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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