I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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