Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize