I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm way too hungover for life right now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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