it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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