Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
