You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
