dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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