My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
