don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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