whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
