She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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