i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
