I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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