why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
