we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
