nut hugger
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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