I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
