My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
