respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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