What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
