In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
