I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
