Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
