All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
