He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
