i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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