omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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