I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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