HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
